Climb the Mountain

A couple of weeks ago, I went to hear David Zimmerman read from his new book of poems at the Writer’s Colony.  I got two invitations to go, one from David himself, and one from my daughter Rachel who volunteers at the Writer’s Colony and was helping with chores related to the evening event.  I didn’t think I’d make it since there was an APT meeting at the school, and Brendan was presenting something on Math, so that was where I most needed to be.  But, the weather turned a bit icy and the school meeting was cancelled and I got to go to the Writer’s Colony after all.  I took Brendan, who sat next to me, reading a book and looking anything but interested.  David, along with Poco Carter, and another man, read several poems and several times people had tears in their eyes.  There was a beautiful poem about his mother that had us all wet around the eyes.

After the reading, I took Brendan home.  In the car I asked him how he had enjoyed the evening.

“Well,” he said, “the guys next to me were clearly touched, but I was just bored.”

Poetry is like that.  In fact, lots of things are like that.  Is it the things themselves or is it our inner state, how we relate or don’t relate, that makes us feel “bored”?  When I was young I could be bored at anything, anything that didn’t suit my need for speed, sugar, flickering images, distraction and new experiences.  Nowadays, I relish nothing so much as silence and stillness: no sugar, no TV, no music, nothing between me and the deep stillness – it is the most energizing experience I know.  What used to seem the height of boredom, is now the most real thing I know.  Perhaps boredom is an inner state and not an outward reality at all.  But we only learn that by staying with things that “bore” us ... 

Last week I repeated again the Godly Play lesson on Baptism.  It’s a simple lesson using water, oil, candles, matches and a baby doll.  This time the children named the baby “Jesus” and we baptized “Jesus” in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.  Then we anointed baby Jesus with oil and pronounced that he was “sealed with the Holy Spirit in Baptism and marked as Christ’s own forever.” I saw tears in a few of them mother’s eyes.  After this, we lit candles from the Christ candle and handed one to each person by name saying, “Hannah, remember the day of your baptism,” or “Levi, remember the day of your Baptism.” By now all the moms were teary.

Well, other people thought it was touching, but I was just bored.  That is exactly what I would have said when I was younger, in fact, if caught in a certain mood, I could say that right now.  Caught in a mood of self-absorption, stuck in the immaturity of that, “just bored.” Why can’t I do something exciting like go to the Bahamas on a cruise or out to dinner at Ermilio’s?  Why do I have to sit here doing the same lessons on Baptism for children over and over and over.

When we’re immature, there is a lot of that, a lot of boredom, a lot of searching for things outside of ourselves, a lot of expecting that things would be different if only ...   But what about now, now that we’re older?  Are we maturing, have we stopped being bored, do our little likes and dislikes still run our little world round and round in little circles, or have we opened out into a broader appreciation of the universe, a humility in the face of so much mystery, a recognition that our little likes and dislikes are just not important in the face of what is really real, a recognition that it is we who must change, not somebody else?

Moses went up on the mountain to receive the Law.  He did this under obedience to God, and maybe he didn’t want to make the climb, maybe he was tired, maybe he was even bored, but he did it.  And then the top of Mount Sinai was enveloped in a cloud.  What looked like a cloud from down below, was the glory of the Lord from another perspective.  Moses sat before the cloud for six days, waiting.  Maybe he was bored?  Six days in front of a cloud waiting.  Maybe he was expectant, waiting attentively, praying?  Six days.  And on the 7^th day, out of the cloud God called to Moses.  From the perspective of the people below, it looked like a consuming fire.  But when God called, Moses entered the cloud and ascended to its peak.  There he stayed for 40 days and 40 nights.

But what happened down below.  You would think that seeing a fiery cloud on a mountain top would not leave you bored.  You might think they would be in prayer for Moses, who had entered the cloud.  But no .  .  .  they were bored and restless and longing for all that good stuff they had enjoyed in Egypt.  So they made an idol of “if only” shaped it into a golden calf and worshipped it.  By the time Moses came back down with the Law, they had already violated the very heart of it, taking something silly and giving it the devotion that is only due to God.  But hey, at least they weren’t bored.  They didn’t just sit around and pray – they did something, they made a golden calf.

Between us and the realm of golden calves  (“the world”) there will necessarily come a cloud if we are to ascend any closer to God’s presence.  The author of the Cloud of Unknowing calls this “the cloud of forgetting.” We have to forget about “if only” and we have to forget about what is on television tonight, we have to forget about the super bowl and how much the ads cost, we have to forget about how unjustly so and so has treated us, we have to forget about the new car we want so much, we have to forget about the dreadful disease we fear so much.  Between us and our everyday fears, cares, worries, and fantasies, a cloud of forgetting comes.  It looks from this perspective like a fiery cloud, burning away the dross, purifying us for a finer existence.

And we have a Savior who will bring us through that cloud and into the glory of God’s presence, if we will but let him.  When Jesus takes his disciples up the mountain, it is six days after Peter had said he was the Christ, Son of the living God.  Six days after putting the world behind him, six days after turning towards the mystery.  And Jesus took Peter and James and John and led them up a high mountain.  And there he was transfigured before them – his face shone like the sun – so bright they could hardly look.  And there appear Moses and Elijah talking with him – this is the dimension of prophetic inspiration – this is where Moses received the Law, Elijah the prophetic word, in converse with Christ at this higher level of consciousness.  And here again they hear the words heard at Baptism – “This is my Son, the Beloved: with him I am well pleased; listen to him!”  And they fall to the ground, begging for mercy.

In this very event we hear the Jesus Prayer once again.  Peter affirms that this is the “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God,” and then, when this reality is revealed to the disciples, they fall on their knees in awe and pray for mercy. 

Lent looms before us.  We have forty days to dwell with this mystery, forty days to pray to Christ the Son of the Living God for mercy, forty days to fix a cloud of forgetting between us and our worries, fears, resentments and other sinful states.  Forty days of purification before the mystery of the Transfiguration becomes the greater mystery of the Resurrection.  And into this mystery we are baptized by water and the Spirit.  It is not what the world calls exciting.  But Christ has overcome the boredom and silliness of the world.  And into Christ we are baptized.  Fix the cloud of forgetting between you and boredom.  Remember your baptism.  Come, climb the mountain.    


The Rev. Edie Bird
The Last Sunday after The Epiphany, 2008

Return to St.   James' Home Page                                                                                                                                                        2.08